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Keeping the Divorce Process Amicable

 Posted on September 13, 2016 in Divorce

Lombard family law attorneyA divorce, as most people are aware, can be a nasty, volatile affair. Parties who were once so in love that they agreed to spend the rest of their lives together can quickly become fierce rivals who can no longer stand to be in the same room as one another. Each aspect of such a divorce becomes a small battle in the war to see who will “win” in the end.

Many who are considering divorce fear that their situation will deteriorate to similar levels of contentiousness and hostility. The reality, however, is that divorce does not need to be this way. Rather, it is possible for a couple to end their legal marriage while remaining civil, respectful, and even somewhat friendly throughout the process.

Redefining Winning

In order to keep your divorce amicable, you will first need to decide what “success” in your divorce means to you. Do you need to keep the marital home, the flat-screen television, a car, and secure primary responsibilities for your children without regard for what your spouse wants? Or would you prefer a situation in which you and your former partner each have enough resources to support yourselves and in which your children are happy and loved? An amicable divorce is not a competition; it is a negotiation in pursuit of a reasonable compromise.


Being willing to compromise does not imply that you should be a pushover. It simply means that you are willing to give in on certain elements in exchange for similar considerations from your spouse on others. Decide what is most important to you—and be reasonable. Choose two or three top priorities for which you have decided to fight and let your spouse know as soon as possible what they are. Be respectful but firm, and you may find that your spouse has prioritized different things, allowing you each to get more of what you want.

Consider the Cost

Along the way, you and your spouse may end up fighting about something relatively trivial—like the set of dishes you got as a wedding present. Take a step back and objectively analyze the situation. If you continue to dig in your heels and fight over this issue, what can you gain and what do you stand to lose? Sure, you might score a small victory, but will such fighting push you and your spouse down the slippery slope toward bitterness and litigation? Is anything worth that to you?

We Can Help

At A. Traub & Associates, we understand that not every divorce can be handled amicably, but those that can require responsible legal guidance for both parties. To learn more about the divorce process in Illinois, contact an experienced Lombard family law attorney today. Call 630-426-0196 for a confidential consultation at one of our three convenient office locations.



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