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adultery, infidelity, divorce, Illinois divorce lawyer, Arlington Heights divorce attorneyHas the time come to change our western views on adultery and marriage? According to a recent article published by The Huffington Post, perhaps it has. No longer does the act of adultery result in the offending spouse strolling through town with a scarlet letter sewn to her bodice or does the adulterous male receive a good flogging but are we truly ready to alter our thought process when it comes to marital deception?

It is estimated that 30 to 60 percent of all couples in the United States will deal with some form of infidelity at one point in their marriage. David M. Buss and Todd K. Shackelford, University of Texas, Austin, co-researchers responsible for this data, also believe these numbers may be conservative since the act of adultery resulting in divorce can still taint the marital waters with a shade of crimson. Is Adultery Inevitable? Perhaps. As we evolve, marriage has also evolved. We are living longer than previous generations. As the vow states, "till death do us part", but will we remain satisfied with our partners on all levels, emotionally and physically? Or do we tread on dangerous ground resulting in adultery and possibly divorce? East Meets West?

Being married is highly vital to secure one's social status in Eastern culture. Love is not necessarily part of  the marital equation, especially when there is a booming adultery inspired industry. In some eastern cultures, marriage is viewed as vehicle to secure your social standing. Without this collaboration, you could experience difficulty with obtaining employment and the opportunity of climbing both the social and corporate ladder. Clearly a different viewpoint from traditional Western culture.

Evolutionary Thinking? With the continual expansion of the Western melting pot, perhaps differing cultural influences may infuse our long-standing marital philosophy. Perhaps East may meet West for future generations. Will we celebrate a long term marriage as maintaining a strong sense of open communication rather than remaining physically faithful. Will future couples define what is expected and acceptable as terms of a successful marriage? For some the evolution of marriage may not be terms they are willing to accept. For many, infidelity is an issue. It will remain an issue although there is evidence of a lack of marital communication that may have led the offending spouse to his or her decision to stray. Most couples continually cite infidelity as the determining factor of filing for divorce, primarily due to an emotional disconnect from their partner. Luckily for Western culture we still have the opportunity to define our own marital commitment and decide when and why we may choose to dissolve our marriage. The family law team at A.Traub & Associates understands the emotional and financial importance of a divorce for whatever the reason. We will work diligently to ensure an open line of communication as we meet your legal needs and a fair and equitable resolution of your marriage.  Contact us today at 630-426-0196 to learn more about your options and our dedicated legal team.

adoptionAccording to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, adoption is the process whereby a person assumes parenting for another and, in doing so, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities, along with filiation, from the biological parent or parents.

In many cases all goes well with the process and integration of the adopted child into a thriving and loving family. So much so that the Adoption USA: National Survey of Adoptive Parents, supports that 81 percent of parents have established a "very warm and close" relationship with their adopted son or daughter. But what happens when  adoption turns out not to be the idyllic family portrait you were hoping for? The most infamous case was that of the young Russian boy who was returned to homeland by his adoptive mother. Another case highlights a former attorney from Spokane, Washington who after much concerted effort decided to place her adopted child, originally from Haiti, up for adoption to preserve the safety of her two younger children. ABC News', senior health and medical editor, Dr. Richard Besser agrees that these cases are heartbreaking, but atypical. Besser reports that 80 to 90 percent of all adoptions are successful and offers the following advice for parents considering adoption: Adjustment Period – take time to let your child relax and become familiar with the family routine. It takes a period of time to determine if any disruptions are due to adjustment issues or if the situation is hindered by a medical or psychological disorder. Realistic Expectations – for parents considering adoption, do not place high expectations on your child from the very beginning. For those children being adoptive from foreign countries, the majority of these children were institutionalized and may need a longer adjustment period. Do Your Homework – before finalizing the adoption, take the time and effort to research and learn as much about your child as possible. Come to know all of the circumstances of their "former" life and then adjust your expectations based on your findings. Rely on a Strong Support Network – enlist family and friends. Join an organized support group and seek out community based services available to families of adoptive children. Besser also recommends using a pediatrician experienced with adopted children. Raising a child, either biological or adopted is a lifelong challenge. No one can predict the outcome or the trials and tribulations along the way. It takes love, compassion, patience and guidance. For the majority of adopted children they will thrive in their environment but for those who have deeper issues that hinder growth development and evoke social and cognitive disorders we can only hope that one day they will find their way. As for the parents who tried we can only applaud their endless effort. If you are considering adoption and reside in the Lombard or Arlington Heights communities, the adoption attorneys of A. Traub & Associates understand your legal and emotional concerns. We are experienced in both domestic and international adoption and can guide you through the process with finalization within a few months. Adoption takes a strong commitment and we understand you also need a strong committed legal team with you every step of the way. For more information on how A. Traub & Associates can help you, contact us at 630-426-0196 for an affordable consultation today.

American divorce rateBy sampling our social group or shaking the family tree, we can easily make the assumption that divorce is as common as marriage. Seems we can not always have one without the other.

 As published by, a quarterly online journal of topical essays highlighting domestic policy and societal issues, only 20 percent of couples married throughout the 1950s filed for divorce. A sharp contrast to the divorce rate of 50 percent for all couples jumping the broom between 1960 up through the end of the 1980s. Did they know something that we may have lost in translation? Did Mr. and Mrs. "C" find the true secret of Happy Days? Perhaps a journey back to our future can shed some light as to why divorce may not be as strong as an institution today as it once was. Plain and simple. It was a different era for both men and women. Divorce found no comfort in the family home. Men succumbed to peer pressure. A stand up guy included a Missus and a growing family. Everyone expected it of him, his boss, his neighbors and his family. By an early age he had it all. For his bride, her trip down the aisle also began quite early, quickly accepting the role as the matriarch of the all American post war family. The housing market was also booming. Home ownership of a two parent home was on every young married couple's agenda. Families communicated daily at the dinner table and with only one television in the home, often spent the early evening hours watching Ozzie and Harriet. All was well with their world. Perhaps not entirely true. Couples experienced the same summer of discontent as married couples do today. So why the low divorce rate? Once again, peer pressure was influential. You stayed married till death do you part. Divorce carried a social stigma and unless you were married to Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde, you stayed for better or worse. End of story, end of an era. If you find yourself conflicted about filing for divorce and disappointing your Baby Boomer parents, take a moment and remember it is your marriage, your divorce, your time. We are not your parent's attorneys. At A. Traub & Associates we are a different type of law firm. We apply a human approach to each case but will work diligently to reach a resolution to your divorce concerns swiftly and professionally. If you reside in DuPage, Cook, Kane or Will Counties, contact us at 630-426-0196 and let us help bring your future into today's prospective.

 addictionAccording to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the divorce rate is improving slightly. Only 40 percent of all today’s American couples will seek a divorce attorney rather than 50 percent in the 1980s.

 So why is so difficult for Americans to hold it together? It could be one of these five  reasons:

  1. Friend or family issues;
  2. Sexual dissatisfaction;
  3. Addiction problems;
  4. Financial woes;
  5. The breakdown of communication.

Compulsive gambling can be as devastating to a marriage as alcoholism or infidelity. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) defines compulsive gambling as an impulse control disorder. For any family dealing with a family member afflicted by any addiction, daily life can be a struggle. The National Council on Problem Gambling reports that divorce rates among compulsive gamblers are more than double those who only gamble on occasion. If you suspect that your spouse is battling a gambling addiction, review these warning signs and either suggest that your loved one reach out for professional assistance or contact an experienced divorce attorney:  Employment Issues Most pathological gamblers experience problems not only maintaining a job, but with theft on the job. Does your spouse experience lulls in full-time, sustainable employment? Have there been issues of work-related theft or repayment of loans to co-workers?  White-Collar Crime More than half of proclaimed professional gamblers have admitted to forgery, identity theft, tax evasion and fraud. If you and your spouse are dealing with an IRS audit or fielding general questions from a local authority, this may be a tip as to the severity of the problem.  Financial Folly Does your spouse mention bankruptcy as a means to solve financial problems? Have you started hiding the checkbook, credit cards or cash?  Depression Statistically three-fourths of all problem gamblers suffer from depression. Have you noticed a change in your spouse's mood? Have you spent time worrying about the mental health of your spouse? Do he or she only express happiness when they had a good day at the track?  Domestic Violence As with all marriages, living with an addiction can be devastating. Verbal and physical abuse often increases by 50 percent in a home where gambling is a family secret. Have you noticed an increase in physical or verbal abuse from your spouse?  Family Facts The impact on your kids can also be damaging. Have you noticed a change in how your spouse relates to them?Is he or she have a short-fuse or have occasional bursts of anger? Take note, children influenced by a person addicted to gambling may also roll the dice later in life.  Suicide If you think suicide is a possibility, it may be time to reach out for professional help. The National Council on Problem Gambling reports that 20 percent of problem gamblers have attempted suicide.  Divorce Addiction can take it toll on your marriage. If you feel that your spouse would be open to seeking professional help, discuss it openly, bring the family secret to the forefront and fight. If you're considering divorce, contacting an experienced family law attorney may be your best bet. You have been dealt a difficult hand. By placing a call to A. Traub & Associates at 630-425-0196 our dedicated team of experienced divorce attorneys will listen to your issues, keep you informed and work diligently to bring the matter to as swift a resolution as possible. We are here to help you beat the odds.

A divorce can be accomplished in a number of different ways.  There is the process of mediation which lets the couple work with an unbiased third party who elicits an agreeable solution.  There is also a collaborative divorce option, which allows each party to employ a lawyer who assists in negotiating a final divorce agreement.

These amicable processes can offer a lot of benefits that are not available to those who resort to litigation.  The most practical benefits are the money and time that can be saved by avoiding the courtroom.  The paperwork and meetings and other processes can be shortened and scheduled to fit each spouse’s schedules.  It also protects children from being forced to see their parents fight.  Instead of fighting, the spouses can come together to make a workable and enforceable solution to difficult topics like custody, spousal support, and the division of property.

The other option for creating a divorce agreement is by litigating or carrying out a lawsuit.  One spouse will file a petition for divorce which might not be the wish of the other spouse.  As such, it is more of an adversarial process that can be more stressful and costly.  Yet, divorce cases that begin in litigation are commonly settled out of court.  Even given the many benefits of amicable processes, there are scenarios were it is more appropriate to litigate.


Posted on in Children

The idea of both you and your spouse dying before your young children become adults may seem unfathomable.  Every day, however, illness or accidents leave children without a parent.  If you have not chosen a guardian, the courts would determine guardianship.  The courts may not choose the person you would have chosen.  Do not risk this scenario.  Using guidelines and proper legal counsel can make the decision easier.

Who Do I Choose?

Choosing a family member may seem like the natural choice but it may not always be the right choice. You should weigh the suitability of your family members as you would any potential guardian.  Here are some things to consider when determining a potential guardian:


Posted on in Divorce

With a large number of divorced parents remaining in conflict, many children are at risk for psychosocial problems.  One of these problems is parental alienation.  Parental alienation is a situation where a child exhibits an unjustified anger or distain for a parent due to the vilifying of that parent to the child by the other parent.  The noncustodial parent is typically the target.

Clearly, the target parent is being harmed.  Their relationship with the child is being damaged and the time lost with that child can never be regained.  But parental alienation has consequences to the child as well.  According to information Our Family Wizard, parental alienation can be a factor in psychological and behavioral issues for the child, including drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, mood disorders, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.

An article by Douglas Darnall, Ph. D. lists risk factors for parental alienation.  Recognizing early signs of alienation will allow for intervention before the behavior gets worse.  Some of these include:


There are many kinds of abusive relationships.  The most obvious type of domestic abuse is violent behavior like hitting, kicking and yelling.  But there are other ways that a spouse’s behavior can be covertly abusive.  Passive aggressive spouses can be just as disruptive to a marriage as outwardly abusive spouses.

Passive aggressive behavior is used to avoid conflicts, suppress feelings of anger or try to control a situation.  It is covert because it can mask emotions and feelings to a point that the person’s behavior may seem nice at times.

Since passive aggressive behavior can be hidden, it is helpful to know what the typical traits are of a passive aggressive person.  Identifying the behavior is the first step to stopping the destructive cycle of hurtful actions and words.


AmandaDivorce is complicated for all family members: parents, children, etc. However, it is important for the children to have both parents involved in their lives. It may not be easy on divorcing parents to be around each other, but has given a few helpful tips to help you and your ex stay connected without things becoming too sticky.

Stay positive. It is important to look at your spouse as the parent of your children, not as the person that you just divorced. Concentrate on respecting one another, to be more specific, concentrate on the qualities that you respect of your ex rather than the ones that upset you. Trinidad Madrigal, a child-custody expert, suggests taking a parenting class or therapy if you are having problems trying to stay positive with your children. Be sure to focus on what is best for your children.

Think of activities that you and your spouse both think are ideal for the children. Then, decide who can take them where. This can be a variety of things such as, the library, zoo, or an amusement park. Divide who takes them places equally, so there is not any competition.


Posted on in Divorce

Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa have been married for over 10 years, and Vanessa filed for divorce in December 2011. However, according to a recent report by the Chicago Tribune, the two have reconciled.

Bryant is considered by many to be one of the greatest basketball players in NBA history. However, his fame has not been without scandal. Most memorably, he was accused of sexually assaulting an employee of a Colorado hotel back in 2003. He married his wife just two years before the accusation, in 2001. Eventually the charges against Bryant were dropped when his accuser refused to testify against him. Bryant and his wife remained together through the scandal. There was not an announcement as to why Vanessa filed for divorce in 2012, but there was some speculation that her filing had something to do with his alleged affairs.

Kobe made the announced on Facebook that he and Vanessa were moving on with their lives as a family. Vanessa chose Instagram as her social media outlet. She stated that she was pleased to announce that she and Kobe had reconciled and that all of the divorce action was going to be dismissed. This is certainly great news for not only them but also their two daughters, who are 10 and 6 years of age.


Posted on in Divorce

Many people are under the impression that in the case of an amicable divorce, the children are not affected. However, according to a report by the Chicago Tribune, children are affected in a negative manner by most divorces, and it does affect the way that children see things such as religion.

Researchers revealed that the Christian environment has long stood by the belief that as long as everyone involved in a divorce gets along and that there are no major conflicts, that things are going to be great. In situations such as this, children are overlooked. They do not deal with the issue of the actual breakdown of the nuclear family and how the fact that the parents are no longer together may affect the children in a less obvious way. In some cases, the children feel worse because they can&t understand why their parents are splitting up if there is no fighting or no obvious problem in the family. Children often internalize the issues of the parents and feel as if they had some kind of fault in the situation.

One researcher, who is also a child of divorced parents, states that children of divorce do tend to be less religious later in life than their peers who come from two parent homes, because they feel that they are not understood. They felt alone even inside of the church family. There are issues with trust being broken when a family breaks apart and that breach of trust often carries over into other parts of the child’s life on into adulthood.


In the midst of all the far-fetched theories of omens and signs that your marriage is headed for a divorce, a U.K. study found that there is a possibility that some wives are literally working their way towards a divorce. For once, you are going to read about a sign that does not include a husband working suspiciously hard at the gym or a wife&s new enthusiastic approach to tennis. This new theory comes from a  study conducted in the United Kingdom that suggests women whose marriages are about fail spend more time working. Aol. did a story on this discovery.

The study, conducted by the London School of Economics and Political Science, suggests that for a 1% increase of their marriage failing, women put in 12 more minutes of work in a week. Berkay Ozcan with his co-researches based the study on statistics from before and after the 1996 legalization of divorce in Ireland. The main idea was to compare women&s participation in the workforce before and after the legalization of divorce.

Non-religious married women increased their working hours by 18% after divorce became legal, the study found. Religious women were used as a comparison, and they seemed unaffected by the change in divorce law.


The Chicago Tribune recently featured an article about a Chicago man who is ordered to pay child support for his twin daughters in Illinois. His children’s mother subsequently moved to a few different states, but the man continued to pay his support and it was sent to the woman in whatever state she happened to be living. When his children’s mother moved to the state of Mississippi several years ago, however, the man began to encounter difficulties. Mississippi reported that the man had fallen behind in his support in 2009, so he paid extra each week toward the deficit. However, Mississippi continued to deduct extra amounts from his paycheck, so he eventually became overpaid.

The problems did not stop there. The state of Illinois began sending the child support payments directly to the ex-girlfriend, bypassing the state of Mississippi altogether. As a result, Mississippi support records incorrectly showed that by 2012, the man owed more than $5,000 in unpaid support, and that state intercepted his federal income tax refund. In reality, the man is owed more than $1,500.00 in overpayments in child support that he has made to the state of Illinois. The man contacted the Problem Solver at the Chicago Tribune after repeatedly seeking help from the state of Illinois and Mississippi to no avail.

This case illustrates the complexities that can arise when parents reside in multiple states over the years and child support enforcement agencies become involved. While every state has interstate procedures for enforcing child support orders and collecting child support payments, these procedures are not always consistent among the different states, which can lead to major problems for the both the parent paying child support and the parent receiving child support.


The recent scandal involving ex-CIA official David Petraeus, Tampa socialite Jill Kelley, biographer Paula Broadwell, and the shirtless General John Allen should remind us all that unlike many things in life, technology is infallible, and leaves a trail behind that is not all that difficult to follow. Whether an affair is carried out via email, text messages, Facebook, or other technological means, these electronic communications leave a path that even the least technologically-adept people can discover. In fact, some businesses have made a profit enabling people to easily discover infidelity by creating specialized computer monitoring software and ghost spyware to recreate a spouse’s computer keystrokes, monitor website usage, and record all emails, whether sent or received. As a result, private investigators who stake out allegedly cheating husbands may have become a thing of the past, and even they admit that these types of technological advances have cut into their business margins.

Electronic evidence of infidelity also is becoming more commonplace in court proceedings as couples duke it out through divorce or child custody battles. According to one survey, 81% of lawyers have seen an increase in the number of cases that have involved the use of evidence from social media sites over the last five years. The primary source of this evidence? Facebook, the popular social networking site, which has grown a reputation for reuniting long-lost lovers and rekindling old flames, sometimes to the detriment of current marriages or relationships. This phenomenon has even spawned the creation of a new website,, which was founded by a man whose ex-wife had an affair with an old boyfriend with whom she had reconnected on Facebook.

The moral of this story is that no electronic communications are private, and there is always the potential for a third party – whether it be your current spouse or the FBI – to discover the extent, nature, and duration of your communications with another purpose. Deleting an email or erasing a text message is simply insufficient; these communications are almost always recoverable in some manner, and may be used against you in ongoing court proceedings, particularly where a divorce or child custody case is concerned.


Posted on in Divorce

During a divorce, many things are changed irrevocably.  The house that you have shared with your family might belong to your ex.   Assets that you have worked for including your retirement funds may be divided depending on the situation of your spouse.  Illinois is an equitable distribution state which does not mean that property is split 50/50.  But what happens if the property is not really property?

For people who have pets, they generally treat them like family.  It is not crazy to see grown up people talk to their dogs and cats in baby talk.  There are also opportunities to spoil pets and kids with treats and toys and hugs and kisses.  In a lot of ways they are more similar than dissimilar.  The difficult truth about divorce is that pets are normally treated like property, which may create a difficult situation for either spouse.

So what are the parameters for deciding who gets to keep Fido?  Sometimes, it is who takes the dogs for walks.  Sometimes, it is the person who pays for the dog, including the initial purchase, veterinarian bills, and food.  Other parameters might be in play if there are multiple animals.  Maybe one party gets the cat and the other gets the dog.  Another issue for pet custody is value of a pet.


A Volo, IL mother and her two young children went missing. Aneta Marsek, 33, and her daughters, 2 year old Chevelle and 4 month old Macenzie, left her parents’ home around 7 p.m.on a Saturday night and disappeared. Her estranged husband Dan Marsek reported them missing. Police led an intense search for the family using helicopters and a small plane. Friends and family also helped out where they could, such as handing out flyers. There was even a candlelight vigil held for the mother and her two babies.

A week later, Marsek walked into a Wisconsin Dells gas station and told the attendant she thought police might be looking for her. A short time later, she took police to her vehicle where the two children were found safe. She told police that she had felt the need to get away and the Dells reminded her of when she was a child. She also said that she and the children had been living in the car since arriving in the area, a Chevy Trailblazer.

But Dan Marsek filed paperwork with the court after his estranged wife was found, alleging that the disappearance with the children was just another attempt to keep them from him and to avoid a hearing which was to set a visitation schedule. According to a report from NBC Chicago, Dan Marsek told the court that Aneta Marsek has disappeared three other times this year; in January, March and May.


According to the Huffington Post, the 2011 divorce of Ronnie Wood has culminated in a two-day auction of Rolling Stones memorabilia and artwork jointly owned by Wood and his wife as part of their divorce settlement. Notable items included in the auction included Wood’s white leather coat that sold for $8,960, a lithograph of Eric Clapton drawn by Wood and signed by both Clapton and Wood that sold for $5,120, and Wood’s 1955 Fender Stratocaster guitar that went for $60,800. The auction took place at Julien’s Auctions Beverly Hills gallery.

When a divorcing couple owns assets of any value, they must be divided in an equitable manner between the parties. This often becomes a point of contention during a divorce, particularly when the assets are of a significant value. If parties are unable to reach a satisfactory division of personal property, or if it is necessary to liquidate assets in order to pay off marital debts, then an auction of personal property can be one way to raise those funds. In a case such as the Wood divorce, where an auction of the parties’ Rolling Stones memorabilia was likely to result in a large pay-off for the parties, an auction was probably the easiest way to liquidate the parties’ assets.

Dividing personal property, especially when it has a high value, can be a more difficult task than it may seem at first. Parties often become attached items of personal property for sentimental, need-based, or even financial reasons. In a time of loss such as a divorce, high emotions can make dividing even the most basic of items a complicated process. If you are in this situation, you will need the assistance of an experienced Lombard, Illinois divorce attorney to sort through your marital property and help you make decisions about the property division arrangement that would best suit you.

Donald Trump’s bombshell announcement regarding President Barack Obama is believed to be secret divorce papers that were filed by Michelle Obama and the President, according to a financial pundit linked to the tycoon.

It has been alleged that the Celebrity Apprentice host will reveal he has documents that show the First Lady and Barack Obama considered splitting up at one point during their 20 years of marriage.

Douglas Kass, an investor who appears on CNBC’s talkshow ‘Squawkbox’ where Donald Trump also appears, tweeted his 48,000 followers today: "High above the Alps my Gnome has heard that Donald Trump will announce that he has unearthed divorce papers between the Prez and his wife."


Everyone has heard that half of marriages end in divorce, so it is getting more and more common to take legal action to protect your personal assets and property. The easiest and the most common way of doing this is to have your future spouse sign a premarital agreement. Here are the basics of what the Illinois Uniform Premarital Agreement Act says about prenuptial agreements:

What is a premarital agreement?

A premarital agreement is defined in the IUPAA as "an agreement between prospective spouses made in contemplation of marriage and to be effective upon marriage." The agreement must be in writing and it has to be signed by both parties. After it is signed, it is enforceable without consideration. As with all legal contracts, you should make sure that the agreement is written properly and that you know exactly what you are agreeing to. Get an experienced family law attorney to help you with such matters.


Posted on in Divorce

When you are going through a divorce, there many questions that need answered, and child custody is among the most pressing. An important aspect in this is to know what kind of custody you are looking for. According to a Huffington Post story, parents go to court, fighting for child custody, without actually knowing what the custodial arrangement they want means. A skilled family law attorney can help you with these matters.

Judge Michele F. Lowrance, a family court judge for 17 years, said that is is not uncommon for a parent asking for sole custody to not really know what it means. Parents looking for joint custody are often the same way, according to her. As are so many other issues in divorce, fighting for custodial rights is not only emotionally challenging, but it can also be very confusing.

Naturally, sole custody has attributes missing from joint custody that favor the sole custodian. The sole custodian gets to make all the major decisions as far as education, medical care, and religion go. Getting permission from a court to move out of the jurisdiction might also be easier. For the non-custodial parent this means the opposite; they will not have access to medical records or school records.

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