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Lombard, IL divorce lawyer

Divorce is a difficult time and transition for everyone involved, but children have a different experience altogether. Children often do not understand the reasoning behind the divorce and can blame themselves for the conflict between their parents. This is most common in young children but can also happen for older ones who have experienced their parents fighting throughout their lives. One of the most confusing parts of the divorce process is the transition from living under one roof with both parents to living part-time in two separate homes. 

Moving During Divorce

Custody arrangements look different for every family. Some share equal time with both parents while others only stay with their non-custodial parent on some weekends and holidays. While there are a variety of different arrangements, a house should feel like a home regardless of the amount of time a child spends there. The following are tips to make your house more comfortable for your child:

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Shared Custody, Custody Orders, Illinois Child Custody, Arlington Heights family law attorneyFrom the time children are very young, they begin to learn about the concept of fairness. They are taught to wait their turn, share their toys, and to be generally respectful of other people’s property and time. Consequently, children grow into adults who equate fairness with equality, a concept which may hold true for many aspects of life. When establishing a shared custody arrangement after divorce, however, at least one parenting expert suggests that equal time may not actually prove fair to the child.

Noted author and family psychologist John Rosemond addresses the issue of shared custody in his nationally syndicated newspaper column this week. "Domestic court judges," he writes, "often regard two divorcing parent who are equally responsible as deserving of equal time with their kids." A ruling based on that idea would seem equitable and fair to both parents. While Rosemond does not dispute such an order would appear fair to the parents, he raises the concern that fairness to the parents should not necessarily be the goal. He contends that the needs and best interests of the child should take precedence over whether or not a custody order seems fair to both parents.

Rosemond’s reasoning is based on the idea that children fare best after a divorce when their lives are disrupted as little as possible. Many equal shared custody rulings require a child to transition between parents’ homes every few days, which, to most children, is at least somewhat disruptive. In addition to an inevitable adjustment period after each transition, such arrangements are often wrought with inconsistencies between homes, especially regarding rules, responsibilities, or expectations. In some cases, the lack of consistency can cause confusion and stress for the child, while in others, the child may learn to work both parents against each other and manipulate the situation to his or her perceived advantage.

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