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Posted on in Divorce

Lombard family law attorneysEnding a marriage through a divorce can leave a gaping hole in your life. You may feel lonely, depressed, unwanted, and bored. The way you used to spend your time and energy has changed, and now you want something new. Some divorcees want to avoid relationships for a time after splitting from their spouse while others are eager to start dating again. Is there a right time to start dating after getting a divorce?

Dating Before Your Divorce is Finalized

“Life happens” as the saying goes and sometimes you meet Mr. Right or Ms. Right before you are technically divorced. Many experts agree that dating during a divorce is not the wisest choice. You may choose to pursue a new relationship at this stage anyway, but there are a few things to keep in mind.

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dating after divorce, children of divorce, Illinois divorce lawyer, Lombard divorce attorneySounds a bit strange, does it not? You are an adult, you have been married and you have been divorced. Currently you are on your own and now feel you are ready to take a chance on dating. Be prepared; your children may not be supportive of your decision.

According to Constance Ahrons, Ph.D, family therapist and author of "The Good Divorce" and "We’re Still Family," your decision to begin dating, no matter how long after divorce, is probably going to be received by your children with chilly resistance. It may also stir up a whole new cauldron of feelings for your offspring. In fact, your decision to begin dating may even be as traumatic an event as the divorce.

So how do you approach the subject? Try the following these tips and remember you are an adult and you are capable of making an informed decision.

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According to a recent Australian study covered by the Sun-Herald (Gulfport, MS) divorce means different things to men and women.

 first dateFor women, the main concern following divorce is financial stability while for divorced men the biggest hurdle may be loneliness. The study reported that even after one year after the break-up, 48 percent of men still admit to experiencing a feeling of loss compared to their female counterparts; 39 percent reported feeling lonely. If is difficult to determine which former spouse will be undertaking the first step to dating post divorce, but with the majority of women being the primary custodial parent, one may assume that it may very well be the male who takes the first leap into unfamiliar territory of the dreaded first date, post-divorce. Dr. Karen Ruskin, Psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist offers these helpful hints:
  • Be yourself;
  • It's ok to admit you're feeling just a bit "rusty";
  • Don't pretend you are something you're not;
  • Acknowledge any feelings of awkwardness with a small ice breaker;
  • Chivalry is not dead, always remain the gentlemen;
  • Offer a sincere compliment;
  • Focus on your date, turn off your cell phone;
  • Utter not one word of your former spouse;
  • Open the lines of communication but be a good listener;
  • Keep strong opinions to yourself but provide some insight into your character;
  • Keep the wine to a minimum;
  • Keep intimate questions off the table;
  • Be completely honest about relationship expectations;
  • Relax and enjoy the evening.
The first date may not set off the proverbial fireworks, but it is the first step to perhaps combating the feelings of loneliness and increasing your confidence level. If it went well, ask for a second date, if you didn't feel a connection be politely honest with your date. Surviving the first date just may be one of the many first steps taken on the road to recovery.  Take it slow and easy, only fools rush in. Dating again may just turn out to be an enjoyable new experience. Our firm provides legal advice rather than dating tips; the legal team of A. Traub & Associates is experienced in all matters of divorce and family law. If you find yourself facing a divorce and reside in the DuPage, Cook, Will or Kane areas, contact us at 630-426-0196 to schedule an initial consultation. Our attorneys are great listeners and available to address any concerns about your pending divorce.

LaraAfter going through divorce, many people find themselves in a very serious state of depression.  Divorce can drastically change your entire life, and it can be difficult, but not impossible, to get back on your feet.  There are a few simple steps you can take to make the process more bearable.

  1. An important first step is to look into counseling and therapy.  It is often true that self-esteem can take a serious toll before and during the process of your divorce.  Therapy can help you understand why your relationship didn’t work out so that you can begin to move forward in a positive way.
  2. It is important that you develop your own, new social life.   This will help get your mind off of things as well as set the tone for your new life.   Accept invitations to coffee and dinner, but don’t feel the need to rush.  Take your time, and new friends will come.
  3. Your home will most likely feel very strange after a divorce.  It is full of memories, both good and bad.  It is very common for those who go through a divorce to crave a fresh start.  If your finances allow it, consider moving into a new home or apartment.  If not, try redecorating your home and giving it a new feel, one that matches your new independent lifestyle.  This may include getting rid of some of your old things that have sentimental value.
  4. Redecorating or moving into a new home includes creating your new, personal bedroom.  Sleeping alone can feel strange at first, but it probably won’t take long for you to begin to enjoy not having to share your space.  Turn your new bedroom into your own personal haven; do things the way you have always wanted to.

These are only a few ways to start to get back on your feet after a divorce.  If you or somebody you know is struggling to develop a new life for yourself, don’t be afraid to seek the assistance of a dedicated Illinois family law attorney.

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