Anyone entering the post-divorce world is faced with challenges they might have never guessed they would have to face during their lifetime. Divorce takes its toll on everyone, and parents who share children are dealt an entirely different set of challenges, such as learning how to create and maintain a new, healthy lifestyle for the whole family amidst a life-altering separation.

Due to the fact that divorce has such a big effect on children and families, some counties and states provide parent education classes to help prepare them for the transition. Illinois, for example, is a state that requires divorcing parents take such courses. The idea is to help equip the parents with the tools they need to raise their children in a healthy, positive, stress-free environment during and following the split.

The Benefits

There are many reasons why it may be difficult for you to see your former spouse on the verge of getting remarried. Some, of course, may be mostly nostalgic—a longing for the "good old days" when you were blissfully happy together. Others may be based on jealousy, if you are being honest with yourself. Your ex has found someone that is not you, and no matter what occurred between the two of you, being replaced hurts. Finally, there may be more practical concerns for you regarding the upcoming nuptials of your ex-spouse, especially if you have children.

No Right or Wrong Answers

The most important thing for you to remember as you think about the impact of your ex’s remarriage on your children and parenting arrangements is that there is no manual for dealing with the issues. Changes are almost certain but they do not need to be seen as negative. As long as you and the other parent can communicate and cooperate, you can continue to provide for your child’s best interests, allowing him or her to benefit from the addition of a stepparent. You will need to find a solution or approach that meets the unique needs of your family, allowing all parties to remain involved as a valuable component of the process.

Considering all that you have been through during your marriage and divorce, nobody should deny you the opportunity to pursue happiness in your post-divorce life. You have the right to enjoy your new situation to its fullest, and, for many, that may mean starting a new romantic relationship. Casual dating and even a new, serious love interest can be very beneficial for your health and self-esteem following a divorce, but there are some things to keep in mind, especially if you have children.

It May Take Time

While you may have the freedom to pursue dating relationships after your divorce, you may not be ready for it immediately. This, of course, depends on what type of dating you are considering and your own emotional health. If you are ready to casually meet people for dinner and drinks on occasion, you probably have nothing to worry about. If you move directly from your marriage into another long-term serious relationship, you may want to give it a second thought, as you may not have healed yet from psychological impact that is usually inherent in divorce.

As the new academic year gets underway, recently divorced or separated parents may be dealing with certain issues for the first time. You may feel embarrassed going to meet with your child’s teachers, letting them know that this year might be a little rocky as you all adjust to a new post-divorce dynamic. Depending on your relationship and the circumstances of your split, your ex-spouse may be fully invested in helping your child minimize distractions and to make the most of the new school year. A cooperative approach is always preferable to contentiousness and, together, there are some steps the two of you can take to make your coparenting situation work.

Communicate

Above all else, the relevant people involved with your child’s education must be able to communicate with one another. Of course, you should be able to maintain an open dialogue with the other parent, but it is also important to communicate with teachers and administrators. More than just telling teachers that your child might have a rough time, take the time to talk with your child’s teacher. Be willing to accept feedback and professional opinions. Chances are, the teacher has dealt with shared custody situations before and may be equipped to quickly identify areas of concern. Additionally, if you, the other parent, and educators are all on the same page, your child will be less likely to "forget" about an assignment or to succeed at hiding poor performance.

Divorce is not an easy situation for anyone involved, especially children. For young children, it is easy to dismiss the challenges they may be facing based on the generally accepted maxim that kids are flexible and will adapt to the new situation. While there may be some degree of truth to that idea, children are often more impacted by divorce than their parents may realize. Teenagers, as well, are frequently affected strongly by the divorce of their parents, and there are some things to keep in mind as you try to help your adolescent make sense of the situation.

Let Your Teen Have Feelings

In some ways, divorce is similar to the death of a loved one, and coming to terms with it is often an extended process. Just as you likely are experiencing a wide range of often conflicting emotions, your teen is too. He or she may not understand exactly how to handle such feelings, but should not be made to feel guilty for how he or she feels. Allow your child the space he or she needs, and, conversely, do your best be available when comfort is needed.