Whether you call it empty nest syndrome or a mid-life crisis, many couples struggle when their children leave home and they go back to their previous “empty house” lifestyle. This life change can be a tough adjustment since a parent has gotten used to having their child living under their roof for 18+ years. Spouses are used to focusing on their child’s schedule and activities. This can make an empty house feel lonely and uncomfortable, sometimes so much so that divorce enters the equation. 

What is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Although it is not technically diagnosed, the commonality of empty nest syndrome illustrates its wide-reaching effect. Feeling a strong sense of sadness and loneliness after your children have moved out is the telltale sign of empty nest syndrome. Other symptoms include a lack of identity, extreme remorse, and a lack of self-worth. This lifestyle change can lead to clinical depression and apathy toward your spouse. Many feel as if they no longer have anything in common with their spouse since they have shared their child and the duties of parenting for the past decade. Although this can create a distance between spouses, there are various coping mechanisms for those who feel their emotions may be causing conflict.

Divorce may have been taboo in the past but it is far from uncommon in today’s society. Statistics fluctuate year-to-year, but divorce rates are actually decreasing. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the state of Illinois had one of the lowest divorce rates in the country in 2017. From 1990 to 2017, Illinois’ divorce rate decreased from 3.8 to 1.9 divorces per 1,000 people. The number of divorces may be decreasing, but the common reasons for divorce have essentially remained the same.

Infidelity

This is one of the most common reasons for divorce because a single action, or a series of them, can break down an entire marriage. Cheating on a spouse often begins as an innocent friendship and eventually transforms into a physical affair. Infidelity usually results in divorce because many couples see this as an act of betrayal that can never be forgotten.

Abuse comes in various forms, and unfortunately, many people experience some form of abuse in a romantic relationship. The three most common forms of abuse are physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. While the definitions of physical and sexual abuse are fairly clear, emotional abuse can be difficult to detect.

Emotional abuse is classified as using a person’s emotions against them as a weapon of control. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, nearly half of women and men have experienced psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner. Emotional abuse may not be easy to recognize, but it is one of the most common forms of abuse that occurs between partners and often leads to divorce.

Numerous studies confirm that the primary contributing factor of divorce is the breakdown of communication. The Huffington Post recently posted the results of yet another study confirming that communication is essential for a successful marriage. The online lifestyle resource, Your Tango, recently polled 100 medical health professionals who in agreement, at 65 percent, still cite the lack of communication as the major contributor to divorce.

Dr. Kelly M. Flanagan, an Illinois licensed psychologist and contributor to The Huffington Post, begs to differ. Dr. Flanagan contributes the following additional factors as possible contributors responsible for the high rate of divorce.

We Like, Therefore We Think We Love

According to an article published by Psychology Today, second and third marriages often result in divorce. Past statistics support that while first marriages have a 50/50 chance of survival, second and third marriages often fail with rates of 67 to 73 percent, not providing much hope for eternal bliss.

The reasoning behind the statistics? Often, those entering a second marriage are "on the rebound," and those trying for the proverbial third time charm have failed to learn from past mistakes.

Cathy Meyer, a Certified Divorce Coach, Marriage Educator and contributor to About.com’s Divorce Support, a general online resource for divorce, provides further explanation of why these marriages fail.

Previous studies have indicated that if a wife has more education than her husband, the more likely she is to get divorced. But a more recent study has concluded that is no longer the case.

All of the prior research had been conducted prior to the 1980’s, when women typically were not equaling or surpassing the education level of men. However, the past few decades have seen quite a change in that trend, and today it is not uncommon for a woman to have reached a higher education level than her husband.

The researchers gathered their data from the National Survey of Family Growth and the Panel Study of Income Dynamics and examined marriages that occurred between 1950 and 2004. The study, entitled The Reversal of the Gender Gap in Education and Trends in Marital Dissolution, reveals that although marriages between equally educated spouses have remained the same, when there is a difference in education level, it is becoming more common for the wife to have the most education.

Divorce is a common peril for almost 50 percent of all American couples. When we hear about a recent "conscious uncoupling" we assume the wife is responsible for placing the call to an experienced divorce attorney. Our assumption would have been correct.

"My husband is no longer my friend."

"The only time my husband pays attention to me is when he wants sex."