According to the American Psychological Association (APA), data from the National Survey of Family Growth shows that 48 percent of marriages end when they hit the 20-year mark. Despite this evidence and the colorful divorce horror stories we all hear from our friends, family members, and neighbors, the reality is that not all couples who make up these kinds of statistics experience a toxic divorce. Many spouses are not only able to make a mutual decision to end their marriage, but they are also capable of navigating the process amicably, even acting as a team to ensure a smoother experience for everyone involved. 

Avoiding a Contested Divorce

Not every divorce is messy, but those that are can have the power to wreak havoc on your emotional -- and sometimes physical -- well-being, especially if you do not know how to handle the conflict.

The difficulties that accompany divorce can be vast, leaving you to face a major learning curve as you navigate your life without your ex-spouse. From new living arrangements and daily routines to possible career changes and less quality time with your children, divorce in the family unleashes a whole range of uncomfortable emotions for everyone involved. Eventually, though, the healing process begins, and with time and experience comes the ability to adapt to post-divorce life. 

Paving the Way for Recovery

Psychologists remind those grieving from a divorce that human beings are incredibly resilient, but research also shows just how hard the recovery stages of the loss can be. The divorce process looks different from person to person, and each separation has its own set of challenges and heartaches. If you feel you are having an exceptionally hard time kick-starting the healing process, or if you feel stuck in the attempt to move on with your life, experts recommend the following:

When it comes to the end of a marriage, there may be no such thing as an easy divorce. Even couples who remain civil and separate amicably do not escape the end of the relationship without experiencing hurt and pain. Having to let go of someone you loved, possibly still love, and shared a home and a life with can be irrevocably damaging, regardless of the circumstances. Still, some divorces are flat-out toxic from start to finish and result in ongoing conflict and heated legal battles. A contentious divorce is undeniably the most taxing kind, as it takes a toll on the whole family mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Minimizing Divorce Stress 

Spouses can disagree about nearly everything in a contested divorce case, from the division of assets and debts, to spousal maintenance (alimony), to child support and parenting time. If you find yourself in high-conflict divorce and cannot manage to find middle ground on any topic, you may not be able to change the relationship dynamic, but you do have some power over how you handle the inevitable stresses of the divorce process. Psychology experts recommend the following activities to lighten your burden during this difficult transition:

Upon reading the title to this blog post, you may be thinking to yourself that all divorces are high in conflict. This is certainly true. Divorce is the second-most stressful life even a person can endure and it often brings out the worst in people. However, although many who divorce have feelings of resentment, guilt, or anger, they are still willing to work toward a common goal. In high-conflict divorces, one or both spouses are not willing to work together and instead work to tear each other down. In this type of divorce, a couple engages in hostile confrontation instead of legal negotiation about the issues at hand. This can be nearly unbearable for a spouse who actually does want to reach conclusions about spousal support, child support, parenting time, or property division.

Reasons to Hope

If you are currently experiencing a high conflict divorce, or you might be in the future, know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. While there is no way that you can change how you spouse reacts to a divorce, you can change yourself. There are a few guidelines that experts suggest can help spouses manage high-conflict divorces and reach the conclusion they desire.