Posted on September 09, 2013 in Family Law

The Department of Defense has recently announced its plan to extend a range of federal benefits to same-sex spouses of military personnel and civilian defense employees. The changes are being made as a result of the Supreme Court decision that overturned a key portion of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In its decision, the court declared that gay couples married in states where it is legal must receive the same federal health, tax, Social Security and other benefits that heterosexual couples receive.

The benefits will be available regardless of sexual orientation, as long as service member-sponsors provide a valid marriage certificate. The Pentagon also said it would allow up to 10 days of leave for couples who are not stationed in jurisdictions that recognize same-sex marriage to a jurisdiction that does allow it. There are currently thirteen states, in addition to the District of Columbia, that allow same-sex marriages.

Some opponents have criticized the Pentagon for allowing special military leave for same-sex couples to marry, saying there are special provisions in law for adoptions, child birth and emergency situations, but not for marriage. But the Pentagon says this policy will provide accelerated access to the full range of benefits offered to married military couples throughout the department.

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 Posted on September 04, 2013 in Divorce

If you ask your divorced friends what led to their divorce, most of them will tell you that they stopped talking to each other. According to a report in Psychology Today, the most common predictor of divorce is the lack of communication, which leads to hostility in the relationship.

 You, You, You

When the going gets tough, most people have a hard time taking responsibility for their part of the problem. No one wants to admit that he or she has done something wrong. This is where the blame game begins. With that blame comes judgmental statements such as:

• You need to change.
• This is all your fault.
• You don’t understand me.

These kinds of statements will always be met with a defensive attitude.

Generalizations

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 Posted on August 31, 2013 in Divorce

Divorce is not a pleasant experience. It is full of emotions, even if it&s amicable. While there is not a divorce rule book that dictates what each party can and can&t do, there are a few things, according to Psychology Today, that you should and should not do while going through a divorce where children are involved.

Don’t Make your Child Choose

Your child will be traumatized enough, knowing that their parents are not going to be together anymore. They will internalize their feelings and some children may go so far as to blame themselves for the break up of the family. The worst thing that you can do is make the child feel as if they need to choose sides between the mother and father.

Do Keep your Emotions in Check

You are not the only one who is sad or angry. While you will not be able to hide your feelings, you have to consider your child&s feelings as well. Don’t have hostile or tearful conversations in front of the children.

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 Posted on August 22, 2013 in Divorce

Children of divorced parents clearly have more hurdles than those from families whose parents are together. Aside from the winter holiday season, at no time in the year is this more obvious than during the summer. Children whose parents have split are often shuttled back and forth between the parents’ houses, oftentimes over state lines, a trip that can feature solo plane rides or long drives. Psychologist Brian Rooney told the Chicago Tribune that trouble in this scenario can arise for children of divorce because of their expectations. "They can range from realistic ones like, ‘Gee, I can’t wait to get away to Dad/Mom’s house, we’re going to do all kinds of stuff,’ to a feeling of being sent away to serve time." Rooney says it’s important for both parents to address these expectations and consider them when making summer plans with and for children of divorce.

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 Posted on August 18, 2013 in Family Law

For couples who make the decision to live together and not legally wed, the end of the relationship can be costly, whether the relationship ends because they decide not to live together or because one person dies. The state of Illinois does not recognize common-law marriage, leaving both parties unprotected.

There is no property division for separately owned property and no palimony. If one of the couple becomes a stay-at-home parent to care for children of the relationship, there is no law defining loss earning capacity. If one person becomes sick and is hospitalized, their partner has no legal say in their care. And there is no right to inherit the estate if one person dies.

Unless a couple is married or has entered into a civil partnership, the law does not recognize the living-together relationship. That’s why it’s important for unmarried couples to work with an attorney to prepare documents which will protect both parties. A cohabitation agreement should have the following:

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 Posted on August 14, 2013 in Divorce

A three year-old girl is the focus of an international child custody battle that has landed in the courtroom of a federal judge, who issued a ruling based on treaty that was signed by the United States and Sweden, where the child’s father is a resident.

According to the Des Moines County Register, both parents had joint custody of the child in Sweden. The mother brought the child to the U.S. in May of 2012 in an agreed upon 90 day visit to see her mother in Iowa. When she failed to return to Sweden with the little girl, the father filed a motion with the Iowa courts.

In May of this year, a federal judge ruled that the mother had violated the 1980 Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. The treaty outlines child custody rules between countries that sign the agreement. It was signed by the U.S. in 1988 and by Sweden in 1989. The treaty states that custody issues should be decided in the country of origin. In this case, that would be Sweden.

A U.S. District Court judge also issued a second ruling in the case, reaffirming the federal judge’s ruling that the child should be returned to her father in Sweden. The district court judge allowed the mother to submit an appeal to his decision, but ruled that there was no compelling evidence presented in the motion to overturn the ruling and ordered the child to be returned to Sweden with her father.

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 Posted on August 10, 2013 in Divorce

After going through divorce, many people find themselves in a very serious state of depression.  Divorce can drastically change your entire life, and it can be difficult, but not impossible, to get back on your feet.  There are a few simple steps you can take to make the process more bearable.

1. An important first step is to look into counseling and therapy.  It is often true that self-esteem can take a serious toll before and during the process of your divorce.  Therapy can help you understand why your relationship didn’t work out so that you can begin to move forward in a positive way.
2. It is important that you develop your own, new social life.   This will help get your mind off of things as well as set the tone for your new life.   Accept invitations to coffee and dinner, but don’t feel the need to rush.  Take your time, and new friends will come.
3. Your home will most likely feel very strange after a divorce.  It is full of memories, both good and bad.  It is very common for those who go through a divorce to crave a fresh start.  If your finances allow it, consider moving into a new home or apartment.  If not, try redecorating your home and giving it a new feel, one that matches your new independent lifestyle.  This may include getting rid of some of your old things that have sentimental value.

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 Posted on August 06, 2013 in Family Law

Domestic violence is an uncomfortable subject to discuss, but it is one that is unfortunately very common.  When people hear the term "domestic violence", they imagine drunken men hitting their helpless wives or girlfriends…but there are many other psychological and emotional factors involved.

To understand domestic violence, we must first know what "abuse" entails.  According to the Illinois State Police, abuse can include the following:

• Physical abuse
• Harassment
• Making a child or other person watch abuse
• Forcing you to do something you don’t want to do
• Denying a disabled person access to needed care

Every 15 seconds, a woman in the United States is beaten by an abusive partner.  More often than not, these attacks require medical attention.  In about 95 percent of partner abuse situations, it is the man who is abusing the woman.  But in 5% of cases, it is the other way around.  Unfortunately, when children are raised in homes where violence is prevalent, they generally grow up to believe that violence is the only way to properly control another person.

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 Posted on July 25, 2013 in Divorce

Being prepared for a break up isn&t usually something that most couples think about when they get married. However, with the divorce rate being so high, knowing what to expect can only help to avoid the health effects that divorce can cause. According to Shape.com, there are several ways divorce can affect a person&s health. Divorce can be physically and emotionally devastating to both parties but can have an adverse effect on a woman&s health.

Insomnia is a common complaint from women going through a divorce. Getting enough sleep is important to one&s health. If you aren&t sleeping, it may be time to have a discussion with your doctor. Divorce can wreak havoc on your immune system. That is why it is so important to do the things that promote good health. Eating a balanced diet and exercise are important to good health. Skipping meals will only work against your efforts to stay healthy.

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 Posted on July 22, 2013 in Divorce

When considering divorce, some Americans have more to think about than others. Among these are immigrants or naturalized citizens who came to America because their spouse was a U.S. citizen.

Not only does divorce or annulment change the validity of this type of visa, it can also affect the citizen status of children, if the child is 18 years old or older. According to the New York Daily News, "once an immigrant derives U.S. citizenship from a U.S. citizen parent, his citizenship is not impacted by his parents’ actions, or even his own marriage," providing that he was unmarried at the time that he immigrated to the U.S. Yet determining whether or not a child obtained citizenship through his parents can be confusing, especially considering that there are a different set of rules for children who were 18 and over as of February 2001. Yet if the child is a permanent resident and younger than 18 years old, "and then the parent or parents naturalize, the child gets automatic citizenship," no matter whether his parents divorce or not.

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